5. A Boyfriend of a Girlfriend in the Navy: The Trials

[Mr. Sailorette]

 

Is the military for every one?

I love my girlfriend and want to be with her. The more I learn about the military the more I believe it may not be a good fit for me.

 

When your girlfriend joins the military she belongs to them. You can choose to be a part of that system if you like.

 

Things I am having a hard time with. She is in boot camp and this is stressful to me for a verity of reasons. These are soldiers they work closely together and the bond between them is very strong.  Soldiers have no say over their bodys. Often they pull their wisdom teeth if needed or not. Women are forced to go on birth control. My employer has forced no one to do either of these things. Is there promiscuity in the military? I don’t know but at least my girlfriend wont get pregnant if there is.

 

What got to me was, missing my sailorette and wanting to talk to her. If you don’t mind someone else dictating correspondence between you and your loved one you shouldn’t have any hang ups. The key (and this has been shown in research of successful relationships) to any healthy relationship is communication. When that is taken away from me I do not function well. The advice from the Mil and others is to keep your letters positive. I am a part of this and I have feelings too.  They say they are working hard. I believe folding pants and swinging from monkey bars with a belly full of water is hard work. But letters about how I feel are just as important to me.

 

The military needs to work on supporting relationships among loved ones instead of dissolving them. The alternative would be single post adolescents  living on base together which would not be sustainable.

 

[lsdemme2001]

Gee I'm impressed.  You are pretty quick on the uptake aren't you?  It only took you 15 days to come up with a response!  Boy, you must be an intellectually challenged loser.  I simply thought that you were sent back to the mental facility that you escaped from and we would never have to hear your whining on this site again.  Did the doctors give you internet access again or what?  

[NavyDads Admin (Paul)]

Let's remember that this site is for the support of those that have sailors somewhere in the Navy journey...DEP, at RTC, in the fleet, or as Navy vets. Mr. Sailorette has someone in that journey and whether you agree with what he says or not he has every right to say it......

[Navy Dads Co-Admin Tom]

    In reading your "Blogs", it is clear to me that somehow this is "all about you"! You have done nothing but criticize your girlfriend's choices, motivations, and accomplishments...all of which should have been discussed with each other long before now. The first thing that you need to learn is to be supportive of your partner in any relationship. The military isolates its recruits in order to rebuild them into functional members of a team. This CANNOT be accomplished if the recruit is constantly distracted with outside concerns. The end result of said distractions can be serious injury or death to those others around said recruit!

   My insight is that of a parent....You have clearly stated that you DO NOT wish to be an "in-law" to the Navy. Accept that fact and move on with your selfish life. Wish your girlfriend success with her future and let her move on to bigger and better things. Nobody here is tarnishing Navy Family values but you, Sir!

[lsdemme2001]

Sorry dude...but you are in the minority here.  My view is not unique.  Your girlfriend is in bootcamp and YOU are the one whining about it and worrying that she is cheating on you. Sounds like she is the real man in the family.  As I said earlier...grow up.  

[Mr. Sailorette]

I think in reading my posts it is clear I do not want to be an inlaw to the Navy. I know your view is unique, but if the other military family members share your attitude, or view I am confident I am making the right decision. Your attitude tarnishes the image of what Naval family values does have.

[lsdemme2001]

Well, you sure don't "talk like a sailor" because I have never heard a sailor whine like you.  If you indeed did "talk like a sailor" you might get just a bit more respect.  

Quit worrying...boot camp only lasts a few months.  If your "love" is real you will both survive it.  

[Mr. Sailorette]

I normally do not reply to comments that have no substantive value.  Your use of Ad-Hominems has compelled me to respond. I also do not believe in censoring those with different ideals (this is another value I do not share with the government). I do not understand why on a Navy supportive site we are not allowed to "talk like sailors". Even though the main function of that institution is killing. but that is an entirely different discussion.

 

If you have a specific point or useful insight I appreciate your view. The fact that our views of the military are not identical is not my problem. I would encourage you to use more constructive words in the future.

[lsdemme2001]

Grow up.  You sound like a whiny insecure wimp.  Stop wallowing in your own self pity and be a man.  Support your "sailorette" and act like a man.  Maybe if you acted more like a man you wouldn't be so worried about your woman finding another one.  

[Theresa]

Sounds to me that you just don't trust her at all. If that's the case why didn't you sign up for the Navy and go into boot camp with her? As for her getting involved with another sailor, they are not allowed to fraternize with each other. When my son was in boot camp he said anytime a male entered a female area they had to announce it and then an RDC or someone in charge had to be present.

 

Did you ever think your controlling and paranoid behavior is what drove her to the Navy?

 

I don't think you should comment on any of our children in the Navy as being poor folk either. My son is very well educated and has worked hard to get what he has accomplished so far. He has taken a very important step in his life and you trying to make it sound like it's nothing so that you can feel better about yourself is just wrong. So please stop feeling sorry for yourself and just be supportive of your girlfriend. If you can't do that then please don't post negative things about the Navy and our sailors! Every parent here is very proud of their sailors, perhaps you should be too.

[Mr. Sailorette]

As mentioned before I love her. She told me the final decision was up to me. If I want to spend my life with her there is no way I could tell her not to follow her dreams. I told her I could live with the reserves but not active. That is the compromise we made together. As I have said I have not lived this life before. I didnt know what I was in for. I believed it would be one weekend a month and 2 weeks a year just as advertised. I did not realize a life style change followed. Also there is a very real possibility she will go active. I am struggling with this and seeking help in various ways. 

 

Yes there are trust issues. I am having a difficult time resolving these with the disjointed communication system used in boot camp. These I am trying to sort through as well.

 

I watched the videos and it looks like a lot of "personality adjusting" through.. Yes, folding pants and swinging from monkey bars. Will the same person I love that went there come back? I dont know. Will I like the new person better? again I dont know

 

This is an improvement from where she was I agree. It will help her. Im just not the one that signed up for this but I feel I now have stakes in this too.

 

During my phone call my girlfriend said "they are putting us all on Norplant". Now I dont know who to believe on this one. the dads on this board or her.