My son has been in the Navy now for just over a year. Even though there are alot of people there to make friends with there is that lonesomeness of the true opposite sex contact and that need to want a relationship. Well my son got dragged into that mess and i am really writing this so if and im sure there are other parents in this same situation. My son met this girl through one of his roommates while living on base. She lived in Kentucky and every couple weeks I found out that he would make weekend trips there to see her. After 4 trips, he was in love and wanted to be with her all the time so he decided to move her from Kentucky to Great Lakes Naval base. She lived off base at one of my sons frineds homes where she had a room to sleep in. She never got a job, she never did anything. Well my son first told me that he was in love with her but that he was going to give her a friendship ring. I was floored. The next week I talked to him it was an engagement ring, and yes, your thoughts are right, the next week they were planning a wedding before he got his next station assignment. This was she is put on his orders and the Navy pays her way also plus they get more money being married. I was devasted, hurt, blown away, and other feelings I just could not describe. He was talking about having 5 kids with her and Im thinking to myself, you have got to be nuts. I tried talking to him over and over again about not doing this, telling him that he is married and he is married to the Navy! I even tried to talk to my ex wife who lives in Chicago to help try and talk him out of this but it was no use, she had no back bone to get him to call it off. They planned the wedding for the last weekend in October and it was going to be at the justice of the peace. THe day before the wedding at about 2am Pacific time I get a text from him that the wedding is off. He told me he was on the phone with his mom and he would call me when they were done. I was so happy to know it was not going to happen. i was in for a rude awakening. I did not get a call from him. I tried calling him the day of the cancelled wedding and could not get ahold of him. I tried his mom and could not get ahold of her too. At about 5pm pacific time I finally got ahold of his mother and she told me that after all the commotion the night before and things being so called cancelled they did get married and I was more devasted then ever. They have been married for 2 months and i fould out within the first month they were already talking about divorce but from what my ex wife told me they made up. My son got his orders and they were not what was expected. He was expecting San diego but instead he got Dam Neck Naval Base also known asNAS Oceana's primary mission. This is to train and deploy the Navy's fighter/attack squadron—the F-14 Tomcats and the F/A-18 Hornets. They got to Virginia Beach on 12/30/09, foudn an apartment and signed a lease on 12/31/09 and at 1pm pacific time he called me to let me know that he got there and that they are getting a divorce. Now he committed himself to a 1 year lease and he claims that he talked to the management company and they wont let him out of it. I am over 4,000 miles away and im hoping that I can talk to this management company to try and get them out of the lease. Getting this news on New Years Eve just leads me to tell me that 2010 is not going to be a good year at all. I dont cry much buth through the past 3-4 months i have cried many timesIf there is anyone that can help me with legal issues of what can be done I would be most appreciative. If i were well off I would just get him a good lawyer and get this oever with but I am permanatly disabled and on a fixed income.This is for the benifit of others to watch out for his your son or daughter is going through this.Sincerely,Charles Strauss
HELLO AND THANK YOU AGAIN FOR THE SUPPORT THAT YOU HAVE GIVEN ME. THINGS THESE DAYS ARE MUCH WORSE NOW WITH MY SON. THE PERSON THAT MYSON MARRIED WHEN HE WAS TRANSFERED TO VIRGINIA REALLY SCREWED MY SON OVER. IF ANYONE IS GOING THROUGH THIS AND NEEDS MY HELP WHETHER TO TALK TO YOUR SON OR DAUGHTER I WOULD BE MORE THEN WILLING TO SHARE MY SONS SAGA AND THE DESTRUCTION THAT THIS HAS CAUSED MY SON.
Wow, sounds like she knew what she doing and took advantage of your son. I would definitely try taking advantage of the free legal advice. As a young woman who has had my own share of messy situations in the past, I would say just support your son the best way you can emotionally while he is going through this, no matter how much you talk. I've had to learn from mistakes many times, and I always hated hearing "I told you so" but in the end I was a better and stronger person. Maybe instead of divorce he can try to get an annulment, but being new to Navy stuff I don't know if they have that option. There's not much I can really do for advice, but I hope that everything gets resolved for you. Your son is lucky to have a father like you who cares.
Thank you my firned that have commented on the issue of marriage and the Navy. Well, he did get married and yes the pay is quite a bit higher. From what i hear higher housing allowances, medical coverage for the new spouse and other additional funds. Well, this road to marriage has been nothing but rocky to almost bringing my son and I to not even communicate. Not that the communication was great in the first place. We would always call and write him and we would either get a call back weeks later or maybe a letter 1-2 months later. Now he got moved to another Naval base and the problems between him and his now wife have only gotten worse. They have only been married for 3 months and he has brought up divorce 4 times already. I contacted a chaplan on his new base to get intouch with him but like I said, him and I dont talk much so I dont know what is going on because the chaplan cant talk to me about it with this privacy act. I know where this marriage is going and it is going down fast. I then found out that if he gets a divorce she gets 50% of his pay no ifs ands of buts!!! I think that there should be a law/rule that if you are in the armed forces and you arer not married when you joined, you can not marry until you leave active service. These kids dont understand that when they joined any of the armed forces that they did get married, they are married to there job.
Charles,
I would ask your son how is relationship with his "chief" is. If it is sound and solid, he/she will be able to help him navigate through this mess, and maybe even get the management company to bend. Sometimes an experienced "adult" makes the difference - it has in my case as I have dealt with my sailors. There is the JAG corps that can advice him as to what legally he can or cannot do as well and the advice is - FREE!
there is a rash of this issue in the Navy....many get married (a mutual arrangment) to get the addtional pay and housing...then get divorced (mutual arrangment). No advice....I don't have any experience in this, but I know ther are seveal Navy Dads that have gone through this over the past year....perhaps someone can help Charles with some advice.........
Comments
I would ask your son how is relationship with his "chief" is. If it is sound and solid, he/she will be able to help him navigate through this mess, and maybe even get the management company to bend. Sometimes an experienced "adult" makes the difference - it has in my case as I have dealt with my sailors. There is the JAG corps that can advice him as to what legally he can or cannot do as well and the advice is - FREE!
Chief