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The night before the burial of her husband 2nd Lt. James Cathey of the United States Marine Corps, killed in Iraq, Katherine Cathey refused to leave the casket, asking to sleep next to his body for the last time. The Marines made a bed for her, tucking in the sheets below the flag. Before she fell asleep, she opened her laptop computer and played songs that reminded her of "Cat", and one of the Marines asked if she wanted them to continue standing watch as she slept.
"I think it would be kind of nice if you kept doing it" she said.
"I think that's what he would have wanted".

-Not sure what is more honorable: Being married to this faithful wife to the end or the Marine standing next to the casket watching over them both.

Yay! I got another letter today. what a treat, I wasnt expecting it. Sailorette is doing well. There were complications when they pulled her teeth but she says its no big deal because the pharmacy is like a Pez dispenser.

I cant wait till PIR. I am going to carry her around and cover her with hickeys!. I cant wait!

I am not new to how the Navy dose things. With my nephew in it makes him the 5th generation in the Navy I think. Things can and will be hard for everyone, our seamen will be home sick and we will miss them but stay strong and have open comunications.

I received a second letter from my son. I was pretty bummed out about missing his phone call the other day but hearing from him again via letter I feel much better now.

I'm happy to hear that he's doing well in boot camp. I'm a worry wart by nature and most of the time I am my worst enemy. I've always try to set the bar higher for myself in life. My son has taken this to heart.

He's pushing to do his best and his commitment and dedication is unquestionable at this point. He is focused on ranking up to E2 and tells me that you must either hold down a division staff job or the DEP/PFA. He surrendered his job as a Laundry PO to try for (AROC) Assistant recruit chief petty officer/ Assistant recruit officer in charge. He aced the DEP test numbers (timed sit-ups and push-ups) but unfortunately, he was disqualified due an uncontrollable nose-bleed during the track run with around a minute and a half left to go. He was pretty disappointed in himself for the lack of hydration but remains upbeat and is looking forward to future opportunities.

He continues to strive hard and expressed the desire to train with Spec-Ops which is totally optional. It appears that he's received our letters from home and looks forward to getting more.

I'm teary-eyed, successful promotion or not, all I want to tell him is that his old man is so proud of him. I LOVE YOU SON!...

my wife went to work today so i stayed home today let me tell you i still have 5 girls at home both sons and one daughter are gone i still have 3 girls under 4 so when i tell you buts and boogers i mean it all 3 little ones have colds and i swear to god as soon as mom walks out the door they start poop there pants do you think the master chief would let me go bunk with our boys for a few weeks has to be more fun than this they can use me for pt cuz i dont think i can make it around the track they can carry my old butt ps my wife dosnt cook that great and from what i saw on the picks of there food im in heven all you dads out there just know they love you and will make you proud

                  i have worked for myself all my adult life so was able to take my son with me i think he was on my jobs from the time he was 2 so he watched me run men and crews the whole time he was growing up i have never asked one of my men yo do anything i was not willing to do myself and rite along side them i never talked down to the men and did not run around yelling at them i learned early on if you treat a man like a man you get there respect and they want to work for you my son wached me close and learned every job he has had he has been put in charge he was offered 40k to stay here by his job a week before he left in small town usa that is big money but my son has his goal set and off he went the whole town expects great thing of him and if there is one thing i know of my son he wont let them down he has never said if i make it only when some people say that is setting yourself up for a fall i call it setting a goal and with a lot of heart a man can reach any goal he sets for his self  and trust me he was taught that one and to tell you the truth i do not ever think he has ever said i cant do that i would have told him to roll up your sleaves and get it done anyway        sorry about the spelling  i work with my hands hope i got the point across

This afternoon my son called and I missed his call by seconds. By the time I picked up, I was too late. I feel horrible! Today I'd say is one of the crappiest days of my life. I can't help but to blame myself.

He did get a hold of his mother and from what she tells me he's a bit emotional from being away from home cause he misses us all. Otherwise, he's doing fine in boot camp. That made me feel happy and sad all at once.

So for all you folks out there who are expecting a call from your SR, please don't miss the call!...

    I found no one online in my situation. I wrote the first handful of blogs and posted them on my own web site. I emailed someone I know that served a full career in the Army. His response was “keep writing.” So I did. I found this site and thought people here would have some knowledge and input into these thoughts, and feelings.  I figured it would be therapeutic and the advice would be helpful. I am reasonably good at picking out advice even if its not right on the surface.

    Did I know when I started what I know now? Absolutely not. Interacting with the experienced people here and others that have been through it, I learned as you well Know by now its not for me. I thought I could do the reserves. I thought it would be easy. I knew it would be an adjustment for me. I am learning it is not an adjustment but a complete change in your life.

    Comments have been made if I don’t write positive letters someone could get hurt or killed. I don’t believe that for a minute. A more likely cause of an accident would be the yelling and berating for 20 hrs a day. Letters telling her the many reasons I miss her are not the problem. In fact I believe telling her if she cant do it, it would make my day to pick her up from the airport a couple weeks early should relax her. So the conclusion I have reached is that I will stay with her whole heartedly till A school is over. If she decides she would like to experience more of the military, that’s her decision.

    We had planned on getting married a few time s before boot camp, but it just hadn’t happened. I will not get married if she is in the service. I am here for her, and its her decision. Not yours or mine. The only advice I ever sought was a little context, and insight into the culture

I realize my point of view may not be common among this community. Do I think I am in the right place? Yes. I am no different than many others on the edge of becoming part of the military family. New members are filled with questions. I have asked many of the same questions in the context of my own point of view. I know other people have the same concerns and we need a place to go to get answers from people that have been through it.

In my situation, the answers I have received have helped me understand the military offers certain things. None of what they have to offer I need, except Sailorette . I am learning most all people here are supportive and have useful insight. Supportive does not mean necessarily agreeing, but sharing their experience or addressing misassumptions. The rest lack manners and/or the ability to convey sensible thought. (lucky for you guys others are making up for you deficiency[Thank you for your support admins, Rob H. and others]).

Only after carefully studying, I don’t see the problem with being honest enough as a partner to say the military is not for me. That is not selfish, its facing reality. *If you don’t get that talk about it amongst your selves.*

Those of you joining the discussion late. This has not been a tirade. This has been an evolving learning experience for my self. And I believe if you listen to a few of my points there are pieces every on can learn from.

I have promised my recruit, I would support her decision, and wait for her. I am fulfilling this promise just as the rest of you have for your loved ones. It is dishonest for me to say I will continue to be here if Im not willing to be a part of the military. I have told her it is not too late. If she doesn’t make it I still love her, and I am here waiting. If she wants to continue that is her choice.

People here have posted their children have been sent home early. And the response of the board is that of condolence and sympathy. Why? If you reconsider it in a realistic way, the world is not over. They just didn’t fit in, in some way or another. Supporting your loved ones means supporting them if they succeed in the military or not.

Your probably thinking, how have I supported Sailorette? When she asked if she should go I said it was up to her. I did not stop her. When she wanted to fly 1500 miles to see her family before she left I took her. Now that she has been exposed to the service she can make a more informed decision. I am here for her.

I f you reply, try to do it without NAME CALLING. In other forums it may be fine, but here it is not productive dialogue. These posts are of my life and my personal feelings about a woman I love. If you feel the need, start a “these are the names I would like to call Mr. Sailorette” discussion board. I would be happy to engage in rhetoric there.

I am finding some people confuse honesty with selfishness. When I say this I am not solely speaking about the reader.  The author is culpable in the same sense. Through much thought I have learned not all are cut from military cloth. Discerning this is the core function of boot camp. True these men and women are learning to become soldiers. The challenges they face test physical and mental capability, but those are not as important as the quality they truly test. They are testing commitment. Performing simple tasks under extreme pressure, the recruit and the institution are discovering whose heart is fully in it.

As a person with a loved one facing these trials, I am learning this is not a culture I fit well with. My experiences I am going through with the service have caused me to reevaluate my decision to be involved with a soldier. I have realized this through discussing the lifestyle with people I know that have served. I also consider the feedback from peoples experiences online.

A lot of discussion comes down to trust. I have never given my girlfriend drug tests every 2 weeks nor have I checked her criminal back ground. I also wouldn’t force her to take birth control. At one point she told me she didn’t want to take birth control any more so I went under the knife. That is a very permanent decision. Now the Military is putting her back on.

Out of high school I considered joining the US Coast Guard. I had a child on the way. I worked two jobs 7 days a week. I did not know what to do. When I learned about what I would sacrifice I chose to work the two jobs. I do not regret watching my child learn to walk and speak. I cherish that I was able to teach my child to ride a bicycle. I would have lost those things volunteering for the service.

That being said I find the feedback I am getting often comes from a narrow perspective. This concerns me. The advice is far from universal. Those that have read my past publications often don’t take into account my daughter is now a senior in high school.. What do I tell her if her, her boyfriend or another friend is considering the service? I think I will be honest. They have a lot to offer for a person her age. Its not easy and its not for everyone. Relationships will be difficult, and the individual will belong to the government. I believe these are truths I think everyone involved in the military understands.

I have learned the military is not for me. And any one in boot camp that thinks it will not be for them should realize it is the final hour to make that decision. When a recruit fails it is probably less likely a question of  physical strength or mental ability it is more likely a question in commitment.

To the parents and lovers out there I ask you this. Would you love your recruit any less for being honest and having to make that 2 minute phone call?

Don’t misunderstand me. We need people fighting for our country. And if our freedom was under threat Id be the first to grab any thing I could shoot and dig in. But I am not cut from military

A bulletin popped up on Navy facebook from TSC Great Lakes stating in so many words that Dec. 16 until Jan 2 will be Holiday Leave.  My son will be graduating PIR this Friday, the 14th and attending the TSC Great Lakes.  I'm cautiously optimistic at this time.  Should I plan on this or should I standby? (My Navy dad had many stories of his Navy days and superiors changing plans on many occasions. The South Pacific during WWII may have been a little different, however)

2nd - My son wrote that they finished some marching drills and got their "Drivers License" with ability to "sing" at graduation march. I got the impression this is a good thing.  I apologize if this is already in the archives somewhere, but can anyone clarify for me?

By this time I'm sure my son has been bombarded with letters galore from family and friends. I do realize with the very limited time they all have in boot camp, that he may or may not be able to respond to all or if any, of the letters that he's received.

I don't expect any letters back from him while in bootcamp though I'd be thrilled if I get anything after the first. The family and I know that we've sent him our well wishes and letters of support. That's all about what we can do. That is what's under our control. We wait with patience and if a phone call or letter comes in then that's awesome!

The only thing in my power that I can do as his father is to support him one thousand percent. I love my son and the last thing I want to do is to doubt his decisions or make him feel that he's made the wrong move or turn in life.

We had a pretty in-depth talk (father and son) about what he wanted to do with his life. College or work or whatever. He's had several jobs as a teen that paid very well. From clerical work to a gig with a professional moving company. The sum of all its parts and his final answer equaled the US Navy.

With that said, I am respectful and grateful of his decision to craft his future and make something of himself that we can all be proud of...

Is the military for every one?

I love my girlfriend and want to be with her. The more I learn about the military the more I believe it may not be a good fit for me.

When your girlfriend joins the military she belongs to them. You can choose to be a part of that system if you like.

Things I am having a hard time with. She is in boot camp and this is stressful to me for a verity of reasons. These are soldiers they work closely together and the bond between them is very strong.  Soldiers have no say over their bodys. Often they pull their wisdom teeth if needed or not. Women are forced to go on birth control. My employer has forced no one to do either of these things. Is there promiscuity in the military? I don’t know but at least my girlfriend wont get pregnant if there is.

What got to me was, missing my sailorette and wanting to talk to her. If you don’t mind someone else dictating correspondence between you and your loved one you shouldn’t have any hang ups. The key (and this has been shown in research of successful relationships) to any healthy relationship is communication. When that is taken away from me I do not function well. The advice from the Mil and others is to keep your letters positive. I am a part of this and I have feelings too.  They say they are working hard. I believe folding pants and swinging from monkey bars with a belly full of water is hard work. But letters about how I feel are just as important to me.

The military needs to work on supporting relationships among loved ones instead of dissolving them. The alternative would be single post adolescents  living on base together which would not be sustainable.

I just found this website and joined.  My #1 son is in week 4 at Recruit Training Command at Great Lakes.  He will be an HM.  I miss him alot.  I am so proud of him

The responses

So far the feedback I have received to my thoughts has been mixed. Here is the funny thing. The mixed responses I am reading are not between posts but within posts. Put in another way Joes comment does not conflict with Jims, rather Joes conflicts with Joes. For example, The response generally starts off with me being selfish, then concludes by saying some of these things are not easy.

I have had no one in my immediate life go through this. This lifestyle is completely foreign to me. I work In a place where everyone comes home from work, and their families sit down for dinner. No one. Men, nor women have spouses living, and working in other places.

I am no less comforted by the fact that on military family support websites there are no men in my situation. There are plenty of girlfriends needing to cope but no men.  I saw a couple comments from members on this site asking what to expect. Those were from over a year ago, and those members no longer seems to be active. If the relationship lasted I suspect  there would have been some type of follow ups.

This is hard. I realize I focus on my needs, in a union we must share cognizance of each other’s needs. That is not unreasonable.

Am I asking what is right for us? No. Only we can decide that for ourselves. As for me I don’t know. I still seek others sharing their experiences to help me decide. Can this enrich our lives? Or is it just not for me?

Today I received a letter from my son. It surely made my day! He misses all of us at home and most especially the Bay Area food and the home cooked meals…

He talked a little bit about his experiences and the challenges of RTC. It’s hard work; little free time on Sunday’s and will put one’s mind, body and soul to the test of self discovery – what you’re truly made of.

Though he hasn’t received any of our letters yet, I wanted to thank all of you at NavyDads.Com for the suggestions about writing a letter to your SR daily or as much as possible. He says letters from home really mean a lot to him!  

Despite the grueling training and being away from home, he’s in good spirits! He hasn’t lost his sense of humor. It’s so good to know that he’s hanging tough in there… Hooyah!

Oliver's mom received the form letter today that we've all been waiting for. I gather she’s the lucky one who got the letter and I on the other hand, ended up with the box of his dirty laundry LOL - go figure! It's all good though…

On the back side he wrote her a short comment. From what she tells me our SR is culture shocked with the instant transition to military life to say the least which is not uncommon but he's very optimistic. I’m certain that this status is shared by other SRs as well. By nature I’m a bit worried but we have faith that he’ll pull through and will continue to persevere. I know that all this will soon come to pass.

The form letter included a cover from the CO of RTC; our SR’s mailing address, ship and division number, graduation date and other important & helpful information for us parents. Looking forward to PIR on November 18, 2011...